i just read shoebell's blog.
its so true. i hate it too, to leave my problems hanging open in this blog and leave it unsolved. i hate it even more when i do that and people start asking me questions, those that require me to think so much when i already have the problem itself to think about. So i dont do it. But recently this has left me with a huge realisation about myself, its so hard for me to share my struggles. so often i would like to just let out some inner struggles i have inside me and yet i dont have the courage too cos im afraid of people's questioning and 'nagging'(sometimes) but i get so sick cos i dunno who to talk to. its not like the talk-to-your-friends kinda problem. its a different thing. ugh. maybe im just some weirdo who has too much voices within me. and i always have the kinda feeling that everyone thinks im happy with my life so i always have this conception that people will think im kidding when i share some stuffs... or maybe its trivial. i dunno la. why is the human heart and soul so complex?! cant we be like rabbits (sorry eileen, it just came to mind) just eat and shit. ugh.
and it bothers me more when certain parts of my life appears perfectly fine (like my results) and people think that represents the whole of my life. NO. God just taught me that God is actually, rather fair. haha. he gave some things to some and other to others. as the saying goes, 家家有本难念的经, everyone has their own problems and their own struggles. im so afraid in me believing that im PERFECTLY OKAY when im not because everyone thinks so. you see, these are the things i think about when im alone, i wonder if im sinking into some psychological disorder. and these are the things that are not the 'talk-to-your-friend' kinda problem. i think if u are my friend and i tell u this kinda things u will freak out la.
i hate this kinda feeling!!
11:56 PM
blessed.
