Embracing Adulthood

2010-05-10T04:35:00.001+08:00

PERMANENTLY relocated @ http://vanessamiriam.tumblr.com

2010-03-11T12:54:00.003+08:00

temporarily relocated at:

http://banbanatelon.tumblr.com

with effect till 5th June

2010-01-12T11:42:00.004+08:00

yesterday was release of o level results! went down to ahs to support SACHETS :)

thank God they did relatively well:)

Then was the start of project u.s. went marina barrage for an evening picnic (technically not really a picnic we BOUGHT our food) tried to get tickets for sg flyer on another night but they didnt allow discounts so we didnt get. went paulaner's after that to have a quick drink.

Project u.s. 2 starts today!

2010-01-04T01:29:00.001+08:00

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

1 John 4:11-12

Let this be a constant reminder.

2010-01-02T23:42:00.001+08:00

The Perfecting Storm

“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4

In Cornwall, England, you can visit a place called The Eden Project. The Eden Project attempted to build the perfect environment in which plants and trees could flourish. Obviously named for the Garden of Eden, this collection of “biomes,” huge domes, provides a tightly monitored atmosphere with a perfect temperature range and humidity. There are no insects and there is no pollution. What more could a tree want?

But there was a problem.

After this wonder of science was built, the scientists on the project noticed something strange. The leaves on the big trees were beginning to wilt and the branches were starting to droop. Puzzled, they consulted a tree expert. After studying the situation, he reported, “Your problem is that there is no wind in the environment. It’s the wind that pushes and moves the tree fibers forcing the nutrients and moisture to be drawn up from the ground. Trees need the stress of the wind or they won’t thrive!”

How much is that like our lives? A lot!

Given a choice, we would construct our own little “Eden Project” around our homes, our families, our dreams, and our futures. In our bubble, we would have just the right emotional climate—a controlled and restricted atmosphere where we could click the delete button keeping out unwanted news and pain. Trouble would be carefully filtered before it could reach us, keeping us well protected from the “pollution” of suffering and heartache. In our dream world, we would no doubt think that designing this stress-free environment would provide a spiritual climate in which we could thrive!

Right? Well, not really.

James points out that our lives need a little “wind” if we are going to grow and mature. In fact, we are called to choose an attitude of joy in the face of life’s storms, trusting by faith that God is going to use them to help us grow. James says that the trials you and I face, whatever shape they take, test our faith. They are there to reveal whether or not we really believe the things we say we believe on Sunday mornings at church. Do we trust that God is good all the time? Do we really believe that His faithfulness is great and that His mercies are new every morning? Do we have the confidence that His faithfulness never fails and that He never bails on us when the storm clouds rise?

As your faith holds, strong perseverance—your ability to “hang in there”—enables you to stay faithful and steady in the face of the divine storm. And, as you patiently stay under the stress of the “wind,” God will make you “complete, not lacking anything.”

It’s the wind of life that stretches and presses the spiritual fibers of your heart to bring nourishment and vitality to your soul.

And, just in case you missed it, look back at the beginning of today’s passage. Did you catch it? James says, “Whenever you face trials,” not “if you face trials.” The storms of life are a given. And while these storms can be heart-wrenching, terrifying, and truly, truly dark at times, I am encouraged and reassured from Scripture to know that these trials are not random. They are yet another way that God is helping us grow, flourish, and mature. And if we understand that, then we can choose, by faith in our Father, to welcome His perfecting storm.

YOUR JOURNEY…

How have some of the storms of your life shaped and matured your faith in the past? What have you learned about God through them?
What storms are you facing at the moment? What is God teaching you in the midst of the storm?
Sometimes we need additional encouragement and perspective in the storm. Do you have Christian friends that can come alongside you during a season of trial and difficulty?

2010-01-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

Show me how you work, God;
School me in your ways.

Take me by the hand;
Lead me down the path of truth.
You are my Savior, aren't you?

Mark the milestones of your mercy and love, God;
Rebuild the ancient landmarks!

Forget that I sowed wild oats;
Mark me with your sign of love.
Plan only the best for me, God!

God is fair and just;
He corrects the misdirected,
Sends them in the right direction.

He gives the rejects his hand,
And leads them step-by-step.

From now on every road you travel
Will take you to God.
Follow the Covenant signs;
Read the charted directions.

Psalm 25:4-10 (MSG)

2009-12-27T00:15:00.002+08:00

christmas is over again! next event to look forward to: student camp.

this year's christmas is crazy. too fast too furious. haha. but amidst all the craziness, God never fails to bring back to me, the true meaning of christmas. and how thankful i was, to be sitting among the christmas crowd on my church pews, to know the true meaning of christmas, and to be celebrating the real reason. and praise be to God that He had anointed the speaker so much that wisdom and truth spilled from his lips. it was a great service :)

this christmas, is a little different:) but the joy of giving and blessing remains :)

gestalt theory says, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. in some situations, we see many things that are bad that are negative, and sometimes comparing it with the good things it might even seem over powering. but the whole is always greater. so, gestalt theory stands :)

2009-12-14T23:44:00.002+08:00

i figured i better start writing before this blog gets mouldy. i should get down to some serious blogging soon to prepare myself for the 4 months away from home :) check out pics and updates then :)

just came back from cambodia this morning. hmm this is my second time there. a very different experience with very different people. but the sense of familiarity just hits me when i got to meet the people there. its like, you've only met them once, and that was one year ago but you just feel like you've known them for the longest time ever. and its just so rewarding to know that you feel this cos you know there's some form of bond forged in the midst of God's love.

we went to same places, aoral villages and COGS, but the work we did were a little different this time. like this time in the aoral health post, instead of entertaining the kids, bings and i were washing children's hands and cutting their fingernails. it was really the best part of the mission trip. to serve these people whom God loves as much as He loves us. and im truly blessed by their humble and thankful heart despite the difference in faith.

did medical missions in the city as well where i got to help out in the dispensary. haha picked up some medical knowledge from the 2 docs and some khmer writings. hahaha. learnt a lot!

but i think the most amazing part of this mision trip is how God used the 10 of us in this trip. we started out as 10 individuals with distinct groups. i.e. cheryl and her family, the younger people, and like the rest i suppose. haha. but as the days go by, we began interacting more with each other and truly getting to know one another better. this would have been something i will never do in church itself. so it was really by God's grace that we are able to laugh out hearts out with each other, make occasional jokes and just enjoy each other. :)

The greatest take back in this trip would be the lesson of patience and perseverance. I think through many events God has showed me what patience is, what patience produces and He has allowed me to transform this quality into tangible results.

so yup, now i have to adapt back to the complex city life. hahaha. getting back to sleeping later, eating more, having the internet, hahahaha, i love singapore la. hahahaha.

2009-11-28T22:22:00.002+08:00

Thank you God, because Your grace is ALWAYS sufficient. I alone am nothing. I live because of You. I belong to You and only You can make things happen, You can move me, You can push me. You can make the best out of me. When I am weak, I am strong, because You are in me. You fill the gap that I am always lacking in. You fill that little bit extra where its empty. You give when I have nothing else to take out of me. You allow me to rise, You allow me to rest. Without You, I am nothing.

2009-11-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

"My Dear, Dear friends,

CANCER is a sneaky bastard. It creeps into the lives of millions of people in the worldwide. It snatches loved ones away from their family and their friends. It is, the very embodiment of death.

I was diagnosed with cancer on the 8th of august 08. That was my first encounter.

My dear dear friends, you don't have to go through what i went through to see how beautiful life is.

So i URGE you! Stop drowning yourself in work, stop to see the flowers by the road. Find time to catch up with people you love. Do the things that you've always wanted to do. Be nice to your parents . Start LIVING. If not now... then when???

I'm Goh Wei Jia . I'm 20 this yr and i am officially a cancer survivor. LIVESTRONG"

Sometimes im secretly afraid that my there's something evil in my body ready to attack me anytime soon. and im afraid that by the time i realise it will be too late to do anything to save myself. and i really question myself sometimes if im taking time to stop to see the flowers by the road, if im letting the people i love know that i love them, if im doing the things i really really wanna do.

sadly, i dun quite think so.

look around you what do you see? (notes. -.-)

"The length of our days is seventy years—or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away"

Psalm 90:10

2009-11-16T19:30:00.002+08:00

oh no today i missed out on a lot of studying hours! and its 730 now but i just finished dinner so i cant study yet! ive been on the roll, really mugging hard and wishing that thats gonna make up for all the time that i havent touched my notes.

my mum just told me she's going to gift me a set of pots and pans from WMF when i get married.

i was like

mum, is that all you're giving me.

omg. saddest wedding gift. to top that, she told me that her inheritance for me when she dies is the thousands of pots and pans she has accumulated these years working at WMF.

saddest inheritance.

thats my mum. hahahaha. so dedicated to what she's doing, till her deathbed even. hahaha.

7 days to my exams!! 18 to the end of it :) 19 to cambodia, 39 to christmas, 46 to the new year, 70 days to US. omg...... its zooooooooooooooooming.

2009-11-15T23:28:00.001+08:00

verme. quien soy.

2009-11-13T18:17:00.001+08:00

It's so emo but nice. my kinda song :) (p.s. play the video to hear the song but ignore the images. haha.)

The Longest Story

Daphne Loves Derby

Far past these roads there is a place
Where all of our precious dreams remain
Someday I know
I’ll find a way
To keep myself from holding on.

Stay awake with the sound of my voice
I'm restless from the silence in the air.

I want to be somewhere I can see the roads
A place where every time you breathe a wish comes true
I want to be where love is real
And memories of distant days come to life again

Inside this room, time will stand still
As long as I'm not aware of change
The world outside leaves me behind by myself
There's no mercy for those who hold on.

Stay awake with the sound of my voice
I’m restless from the silence in the air

I want to be somewhere I can see the roads
A place where every time you breathe a wish comes true
I want to be where love is real
And memories of distant days come to life again

Far past these roads there is a place
Where all of our precious dreams remain
Someday I know
I’ll find a way
To keep myself from holding on.

I want to be somewhere I can see the roads
A place where every time you breathe a wish comes true
I want to be where love is real
And memories of distant days come to life again

2009-11-11T12:13:00.002+08:00

the whole US visa thing totally drove me nuts.

In addition to the high charges they impose on you for the visa application and the SEVI fee, there is like a tonne of paper work to be completed and its so confusing! And on top of all these, i still have to go down to the embassy for an interview. all for 4 months -.-. ANDDDDD they require a photograph of size 5cm by 5cm, which is like totally ji xing as compared to our passport photo. so i have to spend extra money to take photo for that. -.-.

EXPENSIVE AH.

I have to pay so much even though im not there yet. gosh. i foresee im gonna come back, bankrupt. i thought i planned my finances pretty well. now that there are so much hidden costs and all, i dunno if i have enough, still have to pay for cambodia :( God, rain money on me! HAHAHA.

i figured why im so poor this sem. i think i spent at least 80 bucks in total for all my print assignments. plus the textbooks... its like..... money sucking placeeee. im only consoled that i have a lot of print credits this sem so i can print a lot of notes. (and eventually throw them away)

im gonna get clogged arteries soon, i think i just maxed my capacity of fried food this week :S

2009-11-11T02:14:00.000+08:00

'If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality'

Romans 12:6-13 (MSG)

2009-11-09T23:22:00.001+08:00

new blogskin :)

doing up blogskins is therapeutic too.

2009-11-09T19:46:00.001+08:00

BLAHHHHHHHHHH!

I just felt like shouting that.

I think its really amazing how God 'work for the good of all who love Him'. I'm like totally experiencing so much of God's grace recently, and hearing Him speaking to me. It's amazing how God says yes, no or wait to your prayers and you can eventually see how all that works for the good of you who love Him. It's amazing.

I'm savouring little details that cheers and amuses me. like funshine. it makes me happy when i look at it, i dont know why. a yellow funshine a day makes ur troubles go away!

2009-11-04T10:12:00.002+08:00

hello world, its been a while since I've blogged. School is mundanely crazy and there's nothing about it to talk about because it's all about how I procrastinate and stay up late to complete my assignments, of how there will never be enough time to do anything in school. I'm tired of even saying that.

I feel like I'm just swimming, staying afloat, and drowning real soon. The things I look forward to in life now are fairly simple: Dinner/lunch/food with my friends or family, getting home before 9 to watch that serial drama etc. It is only when you experience the craziness in life that you learn to appreciate and look forward to simple things like these. Ever since my departure from hall life, I've been loving it. I cannot imagine not going home for a day now. It's that kind of feeling where you had a longgggg day outside and the only thing you want to do, is to go home and sit on the couch and just BE there. If I had to go back to my hall room I think its pretty depressing. And having dinner with friends is just THERAPEUTIC. Had fei fei with Clement, Corine and Aining on Monday. Good food plus good talk plus good company. Good end to the day.

So my friends, I thank God for you all. I'm not one of those who would come crying to you and break down before you because I'm dying of anything or from anything. It may also not be my nature to share and expose my inner most thoughts with you. But do know that you play a major role in making my world a better place to live in, and I appreciate you all for that.

Took a run last night. For some reason, it was a tough one. The funny thing is, when I woke up this morning, I didn't feel any effects, at all. Probably cos I didn't sleep much last night in the first place.

I have a little more than 7 bucks with me and I have to eat mega mcspicy later. So, I can't eat anything now. hahahaha.

2009-10-27T00:57:00.003+08:00

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

Romans 8:26-30 (The Message)

God I was just so so so so reminded of your love. Often we say we love someone and we would do anything for someone, we do an act of love with an expectation of appreciation, recognition, acknowledgement. But sometimes when we don't get it in return, we get upset and indignant about it. But God, isn't your love like that. Isn't your love thankless? From the moment You sent your son to die for us, people werent just unappreciative of that. They turned away from you. Help me oh Lord, to be more and more like you. We'll never measure up to You O Lord, but help me, my life, to be increasingly Christ-like. To realise what it means by the one way nature of your love for us.

2009-10-25T21:18:00.001+08:00

The Temptation of Jesus

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"

Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

Wilderness Experience

“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.” Matthew 4:1 ESV

Is it just me, or does it seem like Americans have become increasingly fascinated with things like mountain climbing, white-water rafting, rappelling, and other treacherous activities? Anyone with a desire to explore the rugged realities of nature can sign up for “adventure vacations” or attend camps that offer skills courses to help them successfully navigate through rough terrain and experience the thrill of conquering their challenges.

But as adventuresome as the wilderness may seem, it’s a dangerous place. Which makes me think of the time that Jesus went into the wilderness to go head to head with Satan. The wilderness experience for Jesus, as we learn in Matthew 4, was no cakewalk. The same tempter who had entered God’s garden—and with one decisive blow replaced the joy of Eden with the barrenness of disappointment and shame—now welcomed Jesus to his barren turf.

And don’t miss the timing. Right after the magnificent moment of Jesus’ baptism, the Spirit intentionally led Jesus into the wilderness to be confronted with Satan’s tempting suggestions. Why? To show us that Jesus knows how to win in the wilderness and that He can lead us through the wilderness successfully as well.

The key to survival? The Word of God, as Jesus so masterfully demonstrated in His wilderness experience. With every temptation, Jesus “threw the Book” at Satan. In the midst of your wilderness, pointed passages of Scripture are the KO punch that you need. The truth of God’s Word in Satan’s face protects us from the lies that are crafted to destroy us—every time!

So, let Jesus be your wilderness guide. Not only has He been through it, but in another barren place outside the walls of Jerusalem He died to grace us with His salvation so that we would be assured that one day He would be able to lead us from the wilderness of this world back to Eden again—forever!

Lord Jesus, You know exactly what it feels like to be in the wilderness, tempted and challenged by Satan. I come to You as my great High Priest, the One who can sympathize with my weakness, trusting that You can help me in my times of need. Please equip me to use Your Word as my sword and strengthen my feeble heart. I will trust You and give You all of the glory, in Your name. Amen.

2009-10-22T21:24:00.001+08:00

In my house is a small pottery jar imprinted with two potentially life-changing sentences:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."

I say "potentially life-changing" because there is a choice involved. First, to believe that my Heavenly Father is the source of all that's good.³ Second, to believe that His plans for me are good. And third, "to present my body as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God ... that by testing I may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I give the control to Him, not because it will make things easier, but because He has won my heart.

-Boundless Webzine

2009-10-20T12:27:00.000+08:00

"No se inquieten por nada; más bien, en toda ocasión, con oración y ruego, presenten sus peticiones a Dios y denle gracias. Y la paz de Dios, que sobrepasa todo entendimiento, cuidará sus corazones y sus pensamientos en Cristo Jesús."

Filipenses 4:6-7

2009-10-19T21:43:00.001+08:00

Poetic and simply, fine.

The Planets Bend Between Us
Snow Patrol

The winters mar the Earth
It's floor was frozen glass
You slip into my arms
And you quickly correct yourself
Your freezing speech bubbles
Seem to hold your words aloft
I want the smoky clouds of laughter
To swim about me forever more

I will race you to the waterside
And from the edge of Ireland shout out loud
So they could hear it in America
It's all for you

The shells crack under our shoes
Like punctuation points
The planets bend between us
A hundred million suns and stars
The sea filled in this silence
Before you sank those words
And now even in the darkness
I can see how happy you are

I will race you to the waterside
And from the edge of Ireland shout out loud
So they could hear it in a America
It's all for you

2009-10-19T11:14:00.003+08:00

'and i guess, as you grow older and become more aware of the people that you want to cherish around you, you become more afraid of dying all of a sudden. and you stop taking rollercoaster rides, you stop walking through dark alleys where no one might know or be able to save you if anything happens, you start eliminating ideas of being away from your loved ones for too long, you start avoiding all these possibilities because you're genuinely scared you'll leave something/someone behind.'

from a friend's blog entry.

Well i guess that explains how fear builds up as you age. i.e., afraid of failing, falling, breaking.

i just took a run last night (and am suffering the consequences of suddenly taking a run after not doing so for the longest time ever) around tampines. haha. such a rare chance for me to run and rachel managed to catch me in action. running is detoxifying mentally, haha. it makes you feel 4 times healthier when you're done. then u start eating nonsense after that. hahaha. its bad. haha.

htht-ed with corine last night over some doubts she had about me. haha. and then i realised something about myself, and i dont know if its good or bad. i realised, i don't really have someone that im truly accountable to. its like if i have 100 things happening in my life to tell people about. it would probably be spread out like 40% to someone, 20% to someone else anda 20% to another. no one would get 100%. i dont know if thats good. but it does sound like i have a lack of trust for people. but then again, its al subconscious. so my best friends, dont get hurt when i dont tell u something, cos i guess its just me :)

2009-10-18T18:48:00.002+08:00

If God were your lover, how would you describe your relationship with Him now?

I said, I was 2-timing Him. With other priorities, with other commitments. It's funny how i can readily say that relationships, as in bgrs, require time and commitment to work out, and I totally forgot that God is my lover too.

Jesus is the lover of my soul.

2009-10-12T12:22:00.002+08:00

i am super irritated now.

im currently on a eat-bread-only diet because of the insurmountable debt i have to pay off. haha. and the fact that we are going XLB buffet this fri. i guess its the only option. but the bench beside me are having some lunch feast. i can SMELL briyani, chicken chop and meat. grrrrr. its not their fault. im just irritated. and you know what? gardenia raisin bread costs 2.95 a loaf! thats like daylight robbery la! bread is soooo not cheap cann.

just received my grade sheet for 232. sian, got a B. :(. seriously considering to s/u it. then again, thats just one assignment. speaking of which, exams are coming! again!

(i thought school just started)

i have a feeling im going to fail my bread mealsss.. sucks to be poor :(

love is better than gold. where is my love?! rahhhhhhh i have none. hahahahahaha.

2009-10-08T00:53:00.005+08:00

i am slowly drifting away from the blogosphere. haha. mainly cos when i have an idea or inspiration to write im not accessible to net. or if i am, im in a position whereby there are a lot of people and i dun like it when people see that im blogging.

today God spoke to me through this verse:

"Por lo tanto, hermanos, tomando en cuenta la misericordia de Dios, les ruego que cada uno de ustedes, en adoración espiritual, ofrezca su cuerpo como sacrificio vivo, santo y agradable a Dios."

Romanos 12:1

("Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God— this is your spiritual act of worship."

Romans 12:1)

God said, offer your bodies as living sacrifices. for it is our spiritual act of worship.

God, this is my act of worship. will you please accept it?

Estoy incierto. Pero creo Dios es el guia de mi vida. Dios proveera. Gracias Padre.

2009-10-01T17:07:00.002+08:00

What I've been doing for recess week:

and, the idea is not even approved yet. im going to die if it isn't.

2009-09-28T13:58:00.003+08:00

You never think the last time is the last time.
You never think there won’t be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t.

Grey's Anatomy

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/Nr_C6ziDkAM/

没有哭死你的话你不是人

2009-09-24T17:05:00.003+08:00

just spent 2 hours doing my assignment @ macs in sch after flunking my mid terms in the morning., took another hour to go to school to settle the exchange stuff, spent another 2 hrs sitting in a hidden corner in south spine. spent half an hour sleeping on the bench. hahaha. a very tiring day.

but i do realise after this long tiring day that i do enjoy times being alone and just roaming around. though i was very tired. i felt good after waking up from my half hour nap. hmm time spent with self is valuable. when i woke up from my nap, it so happened that the sun was beginning to come down and it shone through the buildings and right into my face. then there was the afternoon breeze (hmm rare) and the swaying leaves creating shadows all around me. it kinda feels magical, like God is just there with you. I dont know how to describe this feeling but i woke up to it and smiled.

Had a great dg with margaret last night over dinner. yay we finally finished the book. and i received a little gift from her :) apt book at apt time :)

random: i bought binder clips at popular today. i was so excited i started using them on my notes.

"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11

in Your truth,

an Undivided Heart,

Fear Your name.

2009-09-21T00:18:00.002+08:00

change is the only constant

places you've been 5 years ago looks different now. things you used to use on a daily basis may be obsolete by now. people you knew become different people. things you like, you may hate it now, and vice versa.

but its also comforting to know that some things never change.

and God never changes.

2009-09-17T14:40:00.002+08:00

I still cant click accept on the INSTEP page. haha. though im like so sure im going. there's this sense of apprehension when it comes to accepting it. haha its funny cos ive done all i need to, checked out the courses, took loan for the thing and checked out the paperwork that needs to be completed. all im short of is to click accept. and i just cant seem to do it! hahaha. i think it has got to do with me not getting over the fact that i have to spend my 21st overseas. HAHA.

okay i shall pluck up my courage and accept it now. :S

2009-09-14T16:08:00.003+08:00

i have just decided to document my horrible mondays so that i can look back and be happy that life doesnt suck that much anymore.

set my alarm at 6am this morning so that i can be in sch early to print stuff that i havent for my assignment. my alarm did ring, and i did wake up. i merely shut my eyes for a while and the next thing i knew, it was 745am.

class was at 9.

i frantically called my dad, only to realise he wasnt able to pick me up cos his cab was due for servicing at 830 at buona vista. that meant i had to take a cab to school.

by the time i got to wkwsci, my pocket had a large hole, burnt by the 34 bucks cab fare. (seriously, i can buy 2 tops with that!) thank God 232 went well, presentation and all.

since i paid so much for the cab fare, i decided that for this week, i will spend less than 2 bucks a day. so i havent bought any food since morning. but i brought 2 slices of bread to sch knowing my appetite. but im hungry now and i cant buy food.

i slept for half an hr at the benches and then had some intensive project meeting which i absolutely had no contributions to.

im just glad im onto the last lesson today. i just wanna go homeee.... :(

2009-09-14T01:20:00.002+08:00

its kinda hard to believe that i AM going for exchange.

a twist of fate will land me in US 5 months later.

4 months, isnt too long. but considering that i'll miss cny, vday and my 21st. its kinda :(. AND on top of that, i would have to miss taking spanish level 3. and i can only take it in my last year :(

another week.

another.

anot

Lord fill me.

2009-09-07T16:58:00.002+08:00

Love these lovely little things. source: www.notcot.org

2009-09-06T16:31:00.003+08:00

Busology 101: From Singlehood to Marriage

You need to take a bus to get to your destination. There is only one
destination.

There may be many buses that can go to your destination. But
ultimately, you will only be taking one bus there.

Out of the many buses that can bring you to your destination, you can
choose a bus that you want to take. Usually you choose a bus and stick
to it. You can change your mind halfway, but its not cost effective.

Sometimes, you require bus transfers.

To board the bus, you must fist know your destination. Don't board the
bus without knowing your destination.

Sometimes, waiting for the bus can take very long.

But you gotta go to the bus stop to wait for the bus. Maybe its a long
walk to the bus stop too.

Sometimes, you see the bus no. wrongly and you board the wrong bus.

Sometimes you see a bus and start chasing after the bus, only to
realise that you were chasing the wrong bus.

Sometimes you board a bus thinking that it brings you to your
destination but it doesn't. So you alight from the bus and start
walking to another bus stop.

While you are walking to the bus stop and see the bus coming, you run
so that you can make it for the bus. But sometimes the bus stops at
the traffic light junction, and you end up being faster than the bus.

Sometimes the bus comes along, and did not realise because you were
busy doing something else. So you missed the bus, and have to wait for
another bus.

You need to flag the bus. Sometimes the bus drives past the bus stop
and sees you but the driver doesn't know you are boarding unless you
flag it.

Sometimes when the bus stops, it doesn't stop right in front of you.
You may have to walk a few steps to the left of the right to board the
bus.

When the bus comes and you are getting ready to board, you may realise
that the bus is not air conditioned, or the seats are not as comfy as
you thought. But the important thing is that it brings you to the
destination.

When you board the bus, you must make sure you have enough value in
your ezlink card to board the bus.

Along the journey, you may realise that the air condition is too cold,
or the bus is moving too slow, or the bus is smelly, or dirty or
bumpy. Some choose to alight, and catch another bus. Some however,
stick through the ride.

When the air con is too cold, you can ask the driver to turn up the
temperature. If the uncle is nice, he would. If not, you all might
just end up in an argument. However, you can't get onto the bus
expecting the uncle to turn up the air con.

Baggages are not allowed on buses.

Sometimes the bus driver goes to the wrong way, and it would take
while before he gets back on track again and head towards the
destination.

Sometime it takes a person a lot of bus rides to figure out how to get
to the destination.

By the time he/she does, it may be waiting for the Night Rider bus
already. The bus is very infrequent, and the bus ride is expensive.
But its an express bus.

Some people don't take buses because they don't need to get to the
destination.

Im walking to the bus stop.

2009-09-02T10:35:00.002+08:00

I have like 3294239842394823094 videos to watch and that i have on hand, (especially grey's S5) and yet i havent touched a single one of them. :(

school this sem is crazy. time seems to escalate everytime another assignment comes to me. i just realise i have a photomontage due on Monday, a A2 design work due the week after, and every week i have like something like a marketing project. readings are essential for my every week 207 lecture and to top it all off, i still have dance classes ongoing. why cant life be simpler. after my ballet exam, im going to cut down. i need more time, for myself.

kill me. now.

school sucks.

2009-08-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

Jesus Walks on the Water

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him and begged him to let the sick just touch the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

why did you doubt?

dancetitude was one awesome show. the repercussions of it are evident. my fb is flooded daily with ongoing comments that spill out from the bottom of each dancer's heart. I know its hard to believe but i'm going to say i truly miss dancetitude. haha. and im beginning to appreciate dancing with MJ, being with MJ, being part of MJ and enjoying the people there. its getting beyond dance. its called bonds :)

side note, went for contemp auditions yesterday and i got in. :) i wouldnt say its good news exactly. you know me, i have a problem with time management. haha. something interesting to note. out of 40+ people that they took in, like 15 of us were from MJ. haha. so we were like one big group in our own world. and i think they girls werent too happy about it. :S. tension yo. hahaha can feel itt... wonder whats it going to be like having MJ people dance for contemp. concert is coming 10th oct. if all goes well, my friends, you can be prepared to watch my next concert leh. hahahaha.

ok i know, i must guard my time. its getting increasingly important. i have NOT forgotten about that.

2009-08-22T01:40:00.002+08:00

Dancetitude is like in 17 hours' time!

cant believe its gonna all be over, preparations since may man. longggg time. i must say though i always complain abt gg for mj practices and all that, its kinda sad that after dancetitube you dun get to spend as much time with the people in mj anymore. its a good thing ive decided to join dancetitude! got to know the people there better :)

well, dance is not all over after dancetitude too. ballet exams coming up in sep. intensive lessons now. besides, i signed up for ntu contemp too. audition's this tue! looking forward to it! haha. a bit scared though. ive never been in a contemp grp.

need to sleep!

2009-08-19T10:44:00.003+08:00

The nike dunks i designed using the nike dunks website. i would totally buy i if they came up with this design! hahahah! zi kua ttm.

my timetable is perfect because i planned it nicely to fit a free friday. but because of ballet, im so going to screw up this sem. :( all the missing of lessons and all. i dunno, it just doesnt feel like a good start. havent even bought books or print notes or anything. no momentum, no engine, no kickstart. not staying in hall feels like im not going school. and assignments are already rolling in this week. hai.

tell me how to answer this in 60-100 words:

What is one thing you wish you could possibly do and by doing so would change your life?

I typed a paragraph on getting married and my friend laughed at me. I showed it to the prof and he doesnt seem very pleased with it. FINE. i will change it. all this people laughing at the basic prerequisite of a reproduction and family creation, the sacred union of 2 individuals, the defining moment in anyone's life! how much inspiration can that be to do a graphic! they just dont understand....

a freshie just came to me for directions as im typing this. hahaha. jy and i have a problem with freshies. because freshies are happy and jolly and loud and FRESHYY. hahaha. its like i can smell a freshie. i was on the bus today and i saw this guy and girl. they just have some glow on their faces to suggest that they are freshies. and indeed i was right! hahaha. a spirit of discernment to help differentiate freshies and sophomores. hahaha. ugh happy freshies are infesting ntu. bleah.

i have 8 hrs more in school and i have only 70% batt life left. like okayyyyy i gtg. haha

2009-08-18T11:59:00.002+08:00

somebody's nick wrote:

"msn nicks are like mini blogs...just a bit more vague."

cant agree more.

I find myself struggling to put the perfect msn nick when i really have something to say. You dont want to attract too much attention and end up having your whole contact list asking you about what happened or whats going on. neither do you want to write something that you dun feel, or is not actually what represents you or your feelings right now.

The perfect solution,

NO NICK.

on a side note, i went town with corn and aining last night and we ate pepper lunch. according to corn, it was good dinner with good company that totally shakes monday blues away.

pepper lunch caramel ice cream is UH HUH *nods head.

2009-08-13T23:45:00.000+08:00

omg as i browsed, i came across another awesome oneeeee!

midnight angel, sent from up above
near invisible, to everyone you see
they dont know, they dont know, they dont know your
name was able, to stir your mothers pride
but she dont know, she dont know, she wont find you

hungry nights and the sleepless days
got nothing on the
silent gazes, foreign faces no
in the howling wind, in the pouring rain
midnight angel, midnight angel

all the people, holding what they know of love
but what is visible, is hardly what we need
dont you know, dont you know, dont you know that
cain and abel, sought the fathers eyes
but we dont know, we dont know, we dont know why

hungry nights and the sleepless days
they got nothing on the
silent gazes, foreign faces no
in the howling wind, in the pourin rain
midnight angel, midnight angel

from the cradle, to the waiting grave
so incapable, of stepping through those doors
we dont know, we dont know, we dont know youre
at the table, dining with the king but
we dont care, we dont care, we dont care youre
holding, the things, that we never wanna talk about no
saving, these things that we wanna throw away
guarding what remains, of all these beautiful souls

2009-08-13T22:53:00.000+08:00

Indie lovess..

Came across some indie music. youtube singers blacknailbrat(sara wee) and singindork888 aka afraid of everest(currently name undisclosed)
I love good indie music cos they are self written and it pours out what the musicians are thinking, experiencing and feeling. something i can never do. its beautiful to see them mould them into words, let alone a song, a melody. so here's 2 great songs to share :)

Time - Sara Wee

don't watch me cry
don't ask me why
some things we say
may be too hard for us to explain

don't feed my pain
it puts me to shame
pressing on pressing on
in vain

oh no i have to go
away from anything
that you have to say

so don't take too long
my heart's not that strong
you need to help me hold on
hold on to you

oh no i have to go
but i'll wait for anything
that you have to say
say it to me now

could you need more time
could you need more time
could you need more time
oooh

wake up wake up wake up......

oh no i have to go
but i'll wait for anything
that you have to say
say it to me now

could you need more time...
could you need more time
(don't watch me cry)
could you need more time
(don't ask me why)
could you need more time
(don't feed my pain)

oooh..

Song to the Sea - Singindork888

Seeing stars fall in the night seems they've lost their way
See the moon pull up the tide, and the tide my name
In a jar sealed very tight from a far away place
From where you are,
You were

Sending wishes off to sea,
I was
In the lighthouse making signals
Saw an glimmer off the beach,
Drifting
Surely straight for me

No way for me to reach your shores
No ship to sail across this deep blue sea
This vast expanse feeding heartache
But you can sing, this song with me

In this letter writes a hand, a lot like mine
Hopes and dreams so much alive, and well they heal my mind
Foreign phrases foreign lands, understood just fine
From where you are,
You were

Blowing kisses to the sea,
I was
In the lighthouse making signals
What's day for you is night for me,
Always
Waiting patiently

No way for me to reach your shores
No ship to sail across this deep blue sea
This vast expanse feeding heartache
But you can sing, this song with me

Oh I will hold to this for life,
I'll shine this beacon with a melody
Though winds and waves cut like a knife
But you can sing, this song with me
Oh you can sing, this song with me
You can sing sing sing, this song with me

2009-08-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

first day of my second year in ntu today. bad bad start.

i was late for my first lesson. thank God i wasnt singled out by Dr. D. *phew.a girl who came in like 2 mins after me got shoot by him. hahaha. THEN, i went to nuaby's new room and i kinda regretted not staying in hall already :( hahaha. then, i was late for my next lesson, AGAIN, cos the bus refuses to come. ugh, i was so angry. dance ended late. at that point i really wish i was staying in hall. Thank God Daren was taking a cab back to tamp and gave me a lift. if not i'd be still on train now.

so tired..... school is tiring.. :(

2009-08-06T01:59:00.001+08:00

Ban Ban has BANGS!!! (forgive the hello kitty pjs-trust me i didnt buy them)

2009-08-04T00:58:00.003+08:00

school is starting in a week :(

recently, recent events has taught me some stuff. that, not having something that you really want is not the end. because that thing isnt something you have to begin with. however, what really breaks is the fact that you stop hoping for it, you lose hope of something. that is the end. we live in life for many things. we dont have those things, but is ok, because we alway have hope. the day your life ends, is the day, you lose the hope that you hold on for many years.

where do you put your hopes in?

I put mine in God. I wont ever lose it :)

something sweet:

"Love isn’t about the romantic nights or gifts. It isn’t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first real kiss. Love isn’t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. It isn’t about the big moments or the big surprises. Love is not a fairytale. Love is about still having the butterflies after years. It’s about the second looks and laying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can’t go to sleep mad at each other. It’s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. It’s not about buying them gifts, but it’s about leaving them little presents here and there, just to remind them that you are constantly thinking about them. Love is about all of the little things, that add up to really big things. Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when no one else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be loved."

2009-07-27T11:03:00.002+08:00

i slept for 26 hours for the past 2 days. thats like, twice the amount i normally sleep. i really hope that helps for eyebags and dark circles.

dont know if my fever has gone down completely. its been hovering between 37-38 deg cel yday. this morning i took and it was 37.1. God knows if that is ok. well, as im typing this im perspiring. I hope thats good news. ever since mum bought the thermometer for me yday, i was kinda obsessed with taking my temp. haha. its like brand new and it beeps! wahahaha.

doc gave me a 7 day mc. but im going out today. its like, man i cant afford 7 days. i have dance every single day. its bad enough that i missed yday's sessions. goodness.

being sick sucks.

2009-07-21T02:07:00.002+08:00

i can tell you how hard it is being single at my age, let alone being that way all my life.

but i also know that its harder not being single :)

2009-07-19T23:54:00.002+08:00

today was a long long day and i was totally dreading it last night. But God made my day unexpectedly good.

started out with shooting. i planned that it would end abt 1? then i would go down straight to school for dance prac. but it turned out that the shoot finished early and i could go home first. in addition, i bought tau kwa pau! :) the authentic one. finally. after all that craving.

went to school for prac and like yea, hurry up recap steps and all cos ive missed out so much.
i was really really really nervous for vetting cos everytime i see pat i just cant dance. surprisingly, i didnt miss out any steps today :). in addition, pat's comments for the contemp piece was gooooood. and on top of that, i felt acknowledged cos he saw me dance the contemp piece and asked if i had ballet background. i mean, to make him notice you, its just not easy. so yea i was feeling awesome. ON TOP OF THAT (many on top of thats), while we were resting after that, he walked over and gave me a pat on my head (he does crazy things like this). dunno what that means but sure means something good to me! yay. so today my confidence level up X 10. :):)

so by God's grace, its a goooooood day :)

2009-07-14T02:34:00.001+08:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:6-7

2009-07-11T02:18:00.001+08:00

"We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unnoticed
because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’"

2009-07-09T01:23:00.000+08:00

Happy belated mummy's day, mummy!

-made with love, me!

2009-07-03T00:43:00.000+08:00

my next project :)

http://www.instructables.com/id/Make-a-100-page-Notebook/

2009-07-01T13:19:00.003+08:00

I was 4 when my little brother came to this world. I have forgotten the days where my parents' attention were ALL on me.

I was 6 when I started to dance. I started at the Tampines West CC doing my little grades, which I did VERY badly. I have forgotten the days where I did not have ballet, where I did not dance.

I was 7 when I started wearing glasses. From then on, I wake up to a blur every morning. I have gotten used to not seeing my clear image in the bathroom mirror every morning. I have forgotten what it feels like to wake up in the morning and see everything crystal clear.

I was 10 when my persistent cough stopped. I used to not be able to eat chicken, mango, fried food, cold beverages, grapes, etc etc. Even if I do, I could only eat them in minute amounts. I have forgotten the kind of pain I feel when I can't eat what I like to eat.

I was 13 when I stopped going to my father's shop every Saturday. We usually stay there the whole day, doing literally nothing. But I loved going there, meeting my cousins etc. Then we have dinner together at the cramp little space. I have forgotten the kind of fun I had there, why did I had so much fun doing nothing? I can't remember.

I was 14 when my mother started going out to work again. It has been 7 years since she last worked. She quit her job to take care of my brother and I. She cooks dinner every night and I was forced to stay at home. After she started going to work, she doesn't cook dinner every night anymore. I have forgotten the kind of obligation I feel to stay at home for dinner. I have forgotten how it feels like to have dinner at home everyday, to smell dinner since 5pm.

I was 15 when I became a Christian and started going church. I strive to lead a life that is pleasing to God. I forgot the life that I had before I became a Christian. I forgot what was I like, my attitudes, my perceptions, my struggles, my internal feelings.

I was 17 when I shifted house and lost my own room. I remember 2 days after we shifted, we went back to collect some stuff. We still had the keys and so we went into the house to take a look. Everything was hacked to make way for the new furniture. I'm starting to forget, what my house looked like when we first shifted there. I'm starting to forget my room, the room that was tinged purple every morning because of my curtains, the sound of the expressway that was just beside where we lived.

I was 18 when my dear grandmother passed away. She loved me a lot, a whole lot. She brought me to places, gave me a lot of things, money, food anything. She took care of me when my mother was still working in the past. I stayed at her place in the day and my Mum would pick me up. Ever since I started growing up, I drifted away from her. I forgot what she would say to me, because she became sick during her last days.

I am 20 now and I'm forgetting all these precious memories. I wonder how a senile 70 year old feels.

Can you remember?

2009-06-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

She's a girl in a world
She's moving as fast as she goes
Loves her mom and her dad
The only secure that she knows
But at night she's alone
She's dreaming of somebody new
Her someone for to hold
She's praying the dream will come true

Show me the way
Show me, show me how
Help me, be brave
For love
Show me the way
Show me, tell me how
What do you say?

There's a pain in her heart
She's trying to hard to unwind
Makes her cry in the night
When visions so real make her blind
Wamts to break through the fear
Erasing the scars from the pain
Start a new kind of being
She's down and she's praying again

Show me the way
Show me, show me how
Help me, be brave
For love
Show me the way
Show me, tell me how
What do you say?

You see she's
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
Stepping outside with body and soul
Taking whatever future holds
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the roller coaster world
You're taking the stride, you're just twenty-five
You know we've all been hurt before

today was a slow sunday. havent had such a sunday for ages. went for cell and lunch then went home to slack before heading for class. i think i could get use to slacking life again. well, after my concert and exam, i would have to learn to live a slower life. haha.

recently ive been using the phrases 'for the glory of God' and 'for the kingdom of Christ'. sometimes its just a casual remark and casual explanation, but gosh, it just suddenly dawned upon me how difficult it is to do that in our lives. i mean, imagine investing your whole life for someone else. of course, Jesus is worth every single life thats invested. but i mean, thats the intensity of investment, so to speak, that we would have to contribute.

i am extremely tired now.

2009-06-22T10:43:00.003+08:00

ok i was REALLY bored at work. so i decided to browse smugmug and duracell's photo and look what i found. hilarious.

Check out wei jie's hairstyle. zai nan ttm!!! hahaha. and his cheesy moves. i think if i post this public the xsy girls will go crazy. hahahaha.

and.. i found this too. reminded me of my first food poisoning experience. haha.

about 3 years later....
Some things never change. haha. sparklers come with bare with me. the shirt like kena lap sek. hahaha.

and our first dyed hair experience... dura girls. :) when we were young and sweet only 17, ok fine, not really sweet.

After 3 years i still find this picture superbly amusing. hahahaha. KITTY!!! omg check out short skirts.. haha. i dont remember it being so short. hahaha.

HAHA this is the most jing dian day in duracell history. it was a stayover retreat at aloy's hse. then we played taboo through the night and got like extremely saturated. the word to guess was 'disease' so they gave the clue, mad cow __? and we all went MOOOOO...... hahahahaha.

ok i just wanna go back to school now. :(

2009-06-22T00:49:00.002+08:00

have you tried worshipping God on the train? haha. i did!

i was just feeling a bit sian after the long day and as usual, thinking about stuff while im on my ipod. then the song 'from the inside out' was being played. really felt like God spoke to me through this song. so i just closed my eyes and let the lyrics of the song seep through me.

its amazing how music sometimes really speak to me. Im not like someone who is musically inclined or what but songs of praise and worship always touches me and make me feel like God is reaffirming me, or consoling me, or reminding me about certain things.

how nice if we can just worship God all the time and not do anything. i think its kinda awesome. hahahaha.

2009-06-21T17:27:00.002+08:00

It's better to regret something you've done than something you haven't.
- Matt Buchanan

i hate regrets. i hate living in regrets. i dun wan to live in regrets. thats why i make every decision 'unregretful' even if they were wrong. but some things, just somethings are irreversible, unchangable, and not under my control.

always thought im braver, always thought im cooler than this. haha. im quite a wimp actually. rah. what do i do now what do i feel now where do i go now?

just get the phone la.

2009-06-18T10:01:00.002+08:00

All for love a Father gave
For only love can make a way
All for a love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken your heart
But still you forgive if only I ask
How many times have you heard me pray
Draw near to me

2009-06-16T01:23:00.002+08:00

Im back from 哈K!46.3!!! :)

Before i say anything, would like to give thanks to God for this awesome camp. it was an amazing experience for me. and also to my group, Chopin, which is ever enthu and encouraging to be with.

I may sleep at 2 am every night, wake up at 8 to give QT, chiong like mad in the afternoon, and wear lbbk camp clothes. But i really enjoyed myself so much!

I wish the camp never ends!

2009-06-08T00:58:00.003+08:00

a week without a post, pathetic me.

i really hate work. i hate work because it takes away all my time. i have never felt so pressed for time than now. even with 4 days to student camp, i cant even find time to prepare ANYTHING at all. ugh. seriously for 850.

anyway, it just came to my mind how much ive given up for ballet, for dance. i have given up my time with my friends, my family, my money, and my body, and a bit of everything la. i dun ever wonder if its worth it because i know it is. but the thought of stopping it is just mortifying. something that i have given my life to for the past 13 years.. hmm.

student camp is coming againnnnnnn... im excited! :)

2009-06-03T11:29:00.003+08:00

jhdakjhdasjd

2009-06-03T11:29:00.001+08:00

shdashds

2009-05-28T23:03:00.002+08:00

less blogging doesnt mean nothing is happening lately. in fact, there are so much happenings that i have little time to blog. goodness.

well today, was an eventful day. went out to collect sponsored clothes for the production. wahhh a lot. boss drove me pass the wall street of singapore. its pretty amazing. cruising through roads with the glossy buildings shimmering as you drive pass. they're tall, very tall. and its kind of suffocating to be in there. i dun think i wanna work there.

i just realised that since i only took leave from work from 11-15, it means that i have to work on 10th. man that leaves me very very little time to prepare for the camp. hopefully they give me a GL which i dun have to worry about. my tian shi ban!!! how! no time!! rahh.

work. dance. work. dance. work. dance.

i wanna just sit at starbucks and chill....2 hrs. thats all im asking for. i cant even have the 2 bucks special from the newly opened j.co in tamp 1 cos i dun have time to even go down to buy. i leave house when the shops are closed and reach home when they close too. grrrrrr. 24 hours, 7 days. rah.

2009-05-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

its bad enough that singaporeans have bad manners, what about bad tele-conversation.

as some might know, im working as a production coordinator with HE productions. so my job scope is to find sponsors for the production by writing in emails and all that. so as i was lokng for sponsors for wardrobe, i thought of FOX. as in fox apparels. so i went online to search for a number to call. but i couldnt find the head office number so i decided to just call up any outlet and ask for the number. i scan through the outlets and picked the one in orchard ngee ann city.

then i called and a woman picked up and the following was the convo:

ME:
Hi this is Vanessa calling from HE productions. We are actually bla bla bla ..... (explains that im looking for sponsorship for this drama production) So is it possible that i get the head office's number from you so that i can speak to the relevant personnel regarding this?

WOMAN:
Im sorry ma'am but i dont think thats possible

ME:
erm.. ok ok, then is there any number I can call regarding this matter?

WOMAN:
ma'am i think u can look up the directory and check (with a snigger)
*hangs up*

what did i do to deserve this woman? slap ur face woman. slap your face. RAH.

im ok with rejection, but not ok with rudeness.

2009-05-19T10:49:00.003+08:00

morning everyone. *yawns*

im blogging from office. no one is in the office right now (as usual). im bored, sleepy and aching all over. this week's gonna be crazy. I'm at day 2 of the week and i already feel like my body is failing me. no joke man. 8-9am at opera estate pri sch for speed stacking, 1030-530 at work, dance after that. i reach home near midnight almost everyday, and stay at home for abt 6 hours to sleep. and im out again. life's tiring. haha. but well, put that smile on your face and slap your ass up! all for 850 bucks! hahaha.

just had brunch. im learning to adopt a healthy lifestyle. to sleep at 12 (or 1 if i reach home at 12) wake up, have a good hearty breakfast followed by 5 small meals a day. do you know you burn more calories like that cos you increase your metabolism when u eat more? of course you have to back that practice up with exercise or activities that will burn the calories as much as you intake them. as for the sleeping prac, im learning from corine, who became a testimony for us sisters that night. she now has flawless reborn skin. haha. thanks to her 11-7 sleeping hours. i know thats a bit impossible, but i will try to sleep as much as i can, drink as much water as i can. In short, i wanna be healthy and beautiful. hahahahaha. i LOLed when i typed that.

you know, i really wished i was braver at 16. should have gone to tp and do visual comm. haha still rmb corine and i went to the open house and we were like soooo fascinated by the exhibitions. it was an eye opener man. now if i wanna learn it, i gotta fork out a hefty sum to pay for my own education. so much for being an undergraduate.

life sucks sometimes, but it rocks most of the time. :)

2009-05-12T00:00:00.003+08:00

Back from my first dancetitude prac!

ok at first i went there really sian about it. firstly, there was no one i actually knew there. and like the thought of reacing home at like near midnight kinda sucks. but yea i went there. the first thing that happen was that when i alighted from 179, got this guy walking in front of me suddenly turn back and ask me, "are you in alex's item?" then i was like ya, then he, "whats your name ah?" then i was lik eerm Vanessa, sorry you are? hahaa. super paiseh, i dun even know he in MJ la. hahaha. then i went to the dance studio. prac supposed to start at 7pm then like everyone like not here yet la. then i sit there and stone in one corner cos i dun really know the people there. bleah.

but when dance started, it was kinda awesome. cos choreographer is alex. so his style is the flowy and lyrical kind. i like :) and like the song we used was 'when you say nothing at all' by Ronan Keating. cool right? never thought that this kinda song can dance hip hop right. wah but the choreo was awesome. its the not very complicated kind, but v nice one. :):)

its kinda sad that im nt very involved in the concert, im only involved in one item and only 2 scenes out of it. cos of ballet commitments. but hai. seriously, i only have 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week and 4 weeks a month. hai.

boyfriend day. haha. i have me day. hahaha.

2009-05-11T02:32:00.002+08:00

ning. says: (2:30:42 AM)
anw u heard of james cook?

Miriam NEW VIDEO! on studentcamp09.blogspot.com! says: (2:30:50 AM)
the singer ah
eh that one is david cook
hahaha

ning. says: (2:31:00 AM)
TT IS DAVID COOK

Miriam NEW VIDEO! on studentcamp09.blogspot.com! says: (2:31:01 AM)
no
who is that
hahaha
writer ah

ning. says: (2:31:14 AM)
james cook is a private uni

its really times like these when i wonder where if im really an informed citizen of Singapore, and the fact that my brain is fully functional, or even the possibility that i may be retarded in some form.

2009-05-10T02:51:00.002+08:00

i havent been blogging about thoughts recently. too much of them maybe. cant keep up with my own thoughts. u know iphone can go online anywhere, but its still not good enough. i wanna buy sthg that records my thoughts as and when the thinking moment is there. haha.

after the exams, i have been spending time like a queen, doing things i like, going places and checking out stuff i like. doing xsy stuff here and there. sleeping at 3-4am every night and waking up at 11-1 every morning (if u still call it morning). but its going to end soon. come monday, will be the start of my jian fei ji hui. its DANCE DANCE revolution everyday man. mon-thu, and sundays. i hope i survive!

and still holding on to my ogilvy dream. haha. yuting just warned me of the industry and the culture. haha. yea man, ive heard abt it too. but yea, i think im strong. hahaha. and grounded in faith. wahahaha.

i watched marley and me today. i think it was really more of meaningful than touching and cryish. its like how someone overcome the struggles of life in different stages of adulthood. kinda cool. and the ending was nice. it ended off with the narrator talking about how there is someone who makes u feel pure special and vauable. i guess we all need people like that in our lives!

tml cell we're doing the last lesson in David book! yay!

2009-05-07T03:03:00.000+08:00

At Just The Right Time, Our Daily Bread 6th May 2009

Why is being on time so challenging for some of us? Even when we start early, something inevitably gets in our way to make us late.

But here’s the good news: God is always on time! Speaking of the arrival of Jesus, Paul said, “When the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son” (Gal. 4:4). The long-awaited, promised Savior came at just the right time.

Jesus’ arrival during the Roman Empire’s Pax Romana (the peace of Rome) was perfect timing. The known world was united by one language of commerce. A network of global trade routes provided open access to the whole world. All of this guaranteed that the gospel could move rapidly in one tongue. No visas. No impenetrable borders. Only unhindered access to help spread the news of the Savior whose crucifixion fulfilled the prophecy of the Lamb who would be slain for our sins (Isa. 53). All in God’s perfect timing!

All of this should remind us that the Lord knows what time is best for us as well. If you’re waiting for answered prayer or the fulfillment of one of His promises, don’t give up. If you think He has forgotten you, think again. When the fullness of time is right for you, He’ll show up—and you’ll be amazed by His brilliant timing! — Joe Stowell

Not ours to know the reason why
Unanswered is our prayer,
But ours to wait for God’s own time
To lift the cross we bear. —Anon.

God’s timing is always perfect.

2009-05-05T02:08:00.001+08:00

4th May 2009 Our Daily Bread

Connectors

Marketing professionals have known for years that a product recommendation from a friend is among the most effective means of advertising. That’s why many large companies recruit consumers who receive free samples of their products along with the encouragement to recommend them to family and friends. One major US corporation regularly sends coupons and products to 725,000 selected people called “connectors,” who spread the word to others.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is more than a product. It is God’s great plan for bringing people into a living, vital relationship with Him. But the gospel is conveyed most effectively by example and by word of mouth. Paul commended the Christians at Thessalonica for their exemplary living and their effective witness: “From you the word of the Lord has sounded forth . . . . Your faith toward God has gone out, so that we do not need to say anything” (1 Thess. 1:8). Because their lives had been radically changed (v.9), they found it impossible to keep silent about their faith.

A university professor who trains advertising professionals says, “It’s human nature to talk about things that excite us.” God’s grace is all the incentive we need to recommend our Savior to a friend. — David C. McCasland

I’ll tell the world how Jesus saved me
And how He gave me a life brand new;
And I know that if you trust Him
That all He gave me He’ll give to you. —Fox
© 1963, Fox Music Publications.

If you want others to know what Christ will do for them, tell them what He has done for you.

We are God's advertisement :)

Seriously, an email from 'ogilvy.com' is like enough to make it to the top of my achievement list, let alone the opportunity to intern there. well, nothing's guaranteed but i'm praying :) really praying. this would be a great opportunity if it happens! its like omg omg omg if i get it. seriously. seriously. pray pray. OH-GILL-VEE!!!

2009-05-02T03:23:00.000+08:00

The Burning Hut

The only survivor of a shipwreck washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.

The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stung with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried.

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.

"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.

Remember next time your little hut is burning to the ground- - it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.

2009-04-28T13:22:00.003+08:00

yay! new skin :)

the picture was a random concept. its like all the alphabets of the english language, with t being highlighted in red, t as in the cross, Christ. Cos i just thought like, i can say a lot in this blog, you know type a lot and write a lot. but how much of this words are Christ centered. yea. so with this new skin, there is a new aim also, for my words (not just in blogs) to be Christ centered, for it to show Christ and for people to see Christ! yay!

ok now that exams are over, i am kind of kong xu because it feels like i have a lot to do, (i tink i do) but then i also dunno do what first. in addition, i dun have a job! no job, no income! ok la well i have a project basis job la. its to facilitate speed stacking programs in sch. haha. go google if u dunno whats that. omg its kinda lame actually. but oh well, its a job.. but its project basis, and like infrequent. boooooo.

booooo....so tired because i sleep so late everynight and wake up so late every morning(or afternoon). haha.

2009-04-25T02:28:00.002+08:00

On love.

I took a while to pen this down, as in ive been pondering upon it for the past few days.

it takes a lot to love. those who are lovable and those who are unlovable.

For those who are lovable, friends and family alike, more often them not, we shortchange them. we say and claim that we love them, but our actions shortchange that fact when we dont fulfill what love is. and that happens because a lot of people think that love is classified, categorized, and maybe layered. but the truth it, there is only ONE love. one type of love. and that love is unconditional. how much does it take to realize and learn the lesson of loving unconditionally. i guess thats why they have 'for better or for worse' in marriage vows. its sad most of the time it doesnt happen. so dont proclaim your love for someone. u cant be too sure of it. but it doesnt mean we cant try to. i mean, we by our sinful natures, we'll never be able to love. No matter how hard we try, it will never be enough. but love in us is made possible because God lives in us. love is made complete with God.

and for the unlovables, God said love your enemies, on top of that, God said turn your left cheek to the one who hit you on ur right cheek. once again, love is unconditional. its especially hard to love the unlovables. because all we try and try, and most of the time we just end up not hating them, and think thats good enough. but God said LOVE. LOVE. and love is unconditional, unconditional, unconditional. it takes everything to love someone. everything.

2009-04-21T13:03:00.002+08:00

Yesterday aining taught me some cool stuff about bejeweled.

you know, playing bejeweled is just like life. sometimes you make wrong choices in life when u dun use up the multiplier. but God gives u another chance when he drops more jewels for u and in the end u still get to use ur multiplier!

like life, time is short. in bejeweled u only have ONE MINUTE. the bible says we can live up till about 70? so life is short. but its how u make use of this very short time to make the most out of your life.

many people look at their achievement and measure themselves based on how much they achieve. but God says that achievements are temporary and like bejeweled, the scores are cleared to zero every week. essntially, ur high score only lasts for 1 minute!

hahaha.

2009-04-17T19:19:00.001+08:00

To all Christian singles out there, I hope and pray that this is the cry of your heart :)

While I'm Waiting
John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

2009-04-15T21:01:00.002+08:00

ooOOoo 2 papers down!! feels like yesterday when i took my first exam in ntu. after this, about 5 more to go!!

envying the life of a working adult solely because of spending power and no need to studyyyyyy. ok thats probably short term. i know, im like that, so focused on short term pleasures rather long term enjoyment.

after tml, im more than 3/4 done!

i binge when exams are near. oh dear, that is sooo bad.

i was listening to penfold songs. nice emo indie songs. i love their lyrics because they are so real. not rhymy, or mainstream, or poetic, or any of those mainstream style. i like it cos its just the way it is. this song, called i'll take you everywhere. its a very sad and emo song. it has very short lyrics, but its very nice.

I'll take you everywhere
Penfold

Painted skies and shining stars remind us of the hours that we spend at the dining table drawing pictures of nothing important.
Everything we loved.
And even though our fingers got sore and our eyes began to ache, we would never stop
We would never stop.
It's these things created by tiny hands that were hung on walls and wrapped as gifts
Acted as the words we never said but wish we had before you left
It's too late to tell you that I care and I'm wishing you were here
And I think it would be better if you had never left at all
This place is not the same without the smile on your face
And if you were here then I would take you everywhere.

2009-04-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

God gave me very headstrong friends.

But God made me headstrong too.

"Leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."
-Matthew 5:24

Etch this in their hearts, so deeply. it is our earnest prayer.

Give us strength, give us courage, give us wisdom. Above all, give us Love.

2009-04-12T16:40:00.001+08:00

Last easter, easter 2008.

im yearning for whats lost, whats before. whats yesterday, yesteryear, yestermoments.
but im also embracing tomorrow, next year, the future.

2009-04-12T01:53:00.002+08:00

wow, a lot has been going on and on and on. haha. amazing how people grow out of situations. amazing how God make us of situations to mould people. amazing how God allows you to see how much you treasure the people around you through adversities.

there is no fear in love, because perfect love drives out fear. true true.i have faith, and i have love. and therefore, nothing is impossible. YES!

3 days, and im still here... aiya.. i dun wanna study :( *whines* booooooooooooooooooo....

rahhhhhhhhhh tired. so tired. hang on, hang on.

2009-04-08T02:27:00.000+08:00

Interesting devotion from Strength for the Journey :)

Price Tags

“I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” Philippians 3:8

You may have heard the story about the pranksters who broke into a hardware store. Strangely enough, they didn’t steal a thing. Yet they did create chaos of epic proportions—they switched all the price tags!

The store owner was unaware of anything amiss until the first customer stepped to the cash register with a hammer that rang up at $199.95. Naturally, the customer’s jaw dropped. “What’s that thing made of?” he demanded. “Platinum?”

On further inspection, employees noticed that a big screen TV in the appliance section was selling for $14.95. The goods were all the same, resting on the same shelves as the night before, but the assigned values were hopelessly jumbled.

I can’t help but think that Satan likes to pull the same stunt with us. Unaware of his stealth work, we go through life with mixed-up price tags on our accomplishments and accolades. We assign the wrong value to who we are and what we have—not to mention the lack of value we assign to God who unequivocally deserves the highest value.

Paul had the price tags right when he wrote to the Philippian believers: “The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. . . . I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by Him” (Philippians 3:7-8, The Message).

There’s Paul at the cash register, looking at all the price tags attached to his experiences, achievements, and treasures. He’s got a red pen in his hand, and all those things that used to be so valuable, so precious, so terribly important to him have been slashed down to zero. In fact, Paul’s loading them up in boxes, headed for the dumpster out back.

I find it interesting that this same Paul who once assigned no value to Jesus at all—and in fact hated Him—now can’t even put a price on the privilege of experiencing Him. After his unforgettable personal encounter with the living Christ (Acts 9), Paul’s whole world was reordered, and he never looked back. The value of his relationship with Jesus became “priceless.” What’s more, he lived like he really meant it.

And for us, it’s more than just giving mental or verbal assent to the “surpassing value” of knowing Jesus. Many of us have been doing that for a long time—and then we go on to live like He is eighth or ninth on the list. Unfortunately in this glitz-and-glamour world, we are far too prone to place great value on all that is temporal and seductive. And believe me, we pay a high price for that. It means that we miss out on the most valuable asset of all—the joy of a deep, abiding relationship with the only One who can meet all of our needs and fill us with His joy. His invitation still stands: “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33).

Find time for Him and make His will and His ways your greatest treasure! For what you value will capture your heart (6:21)!

YOUR JOURNEY…

* Think of the experience or accomplishment that you value most. What price tag have you assigned to that, and why?
* What price tag have you assigned to Jesus? Do you think others would see the same value on that tag in your life?
* Make a list of treasures that may have a grip on your heart. What would it take to lessen the value you place on those things in your life? You can begin by memorizing the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:21: “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

2009-04-06T19:01:00.001+08:00

Once again, another great song to share. inspiring sweet and nice. coupled with the angelic voice of olivia. really good one.

I'll Move On
Olivia Ong

This road that I'm taking twists and turns
My life my chance turning dreams into reality.
Down this path faced with so many things
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away

Can't seem to go on
And I've been thru' this before
Now where am I?
Where do I stand?
A little lost here.
But I'll remember.
All those times you've bought me thru'.
I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near

I'll move on I'll go on.
Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along.
Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on

Here I am Once again caught in the rain.
Looking back I've come so far And I want to carry on
Take a step at time
It's alright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again

Don't hold back now.
And i've been thru' this before.
Now where am I?
Where do I stand?
A little lost here.
But I'll remember.
All those times you've bought me thru'.
I can feel the sun shining down on me

Here I am, Here I am.
Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along.
Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.

2009-04-03T13:50:00.003+08:00

just finished licking up my whip cream from my hazelnut frap in starbucks tamp.

feels soooo good to be back in the east after this crazy week.

i could literally smell home when i set foot on tampines mrt station.

do you know whats the scent of home? do you know whats the scent you get when you step into the main door of tampines mall? its not macdonalds, its the body shop. do you know whats the scent when you get to tampines mall basement? its the scent of famous amos cookies. forgive me for being all scenty here, ive come to realised that out of the 5 senses God has given me, my sense of smell seems to be the most sensitive and developed one. its like, i picture images and settings when i smell a particular scent. i love walking through tampines mall basement and have the myriad of scent from the food rushing through my brain. hmmm. a buffet of scent, feeding my emotional hunger of home. hahaha. its amazing how God created things to appeal to the 5 sense, whichever you may be more sensitive to. how i wish i could feel God in scents. like i can smell Him when he talks to me. haha sounds freaky though.

so take time and smell the world around you. smell home :)

2009-04-01T18:22:00.004+08:00

its raining over here in pulau ntu, pouring actually. its so cold and wet. to think the day started off with a scorching sun.

its once again, been a crazy week. im feeling like a mother getting the groceries in the supermarket. as if it isnt enough when ur kids are screaming and asking for the sweets, the basket u took was not big enough to contain all that u needed to buy. you walk a few steps and something drops out of the basket. as you reach down to pick it up, another drops and at the mean time, your kids are screaming and making a din. what would you do?

i would walk over to the trolleys and get one, seat my kid in the trolley and pack them all up.

unfortunately, there isnt a trolley like that in life.

there are however, friendly people in the supermarket that you might meet. they could just be your friendly neighbour. he/she sees you in distress and helps u a little by picking up your groceries.

but sometimes, its times like these where u realise u don't actually need that box of cereal, or that pack of biscuits, or that bottle of soap or whatever. get your essentials and pay them at the counter and check out. dont buy ur kid the sweets or he'll keep asking for more.

and you wanna be a good wife, because u wanna manage the house by buying enough groceries, not too much, not too little. your husband at work would love to not worry about these matter. he has somehow, given you some form of responsibility in managing this household. sometimes, you really cant decide what to buy and u call ur husband for advice. sometimes you think you are bothering him with trivial matters while he is busy at work. but the truth is, your husband wants to know how u're doing as well. your husband loves you so much that he cares too.

so, get your groceries well, and check out. so that you know, u've done your job as a good wife when you meet him at home.

for the ignorant, this is not a post about me having illusions about getting married. -.-. if you get it, you get it, if you dont, well. read harder. :)

estoy listo.

2009-03-30T23:46:00.001+08:00

Has God trusted you with His silence— a silence that has great meaning? God’s silences are actually His answers. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible— with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him— He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God’s sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, "I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead" (see Matthew 7:9 ). He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the "bread of life" ( John 6:35 ).

A wonderful thing about God’s silence is that His stillness is contagious— it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, "I know that God has heard me." His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy— silence.

2009-03-26T23:17:00.002+08:00

男人不坏，女人不爱。
nice girls finish last.

and i respond in affirmation!

hahaha. cos i just realised. that nice guys are scary. its like u can break their heart easily just by doing something wrong, or like if u do something bad, they will be like qing tian pi li. so my future partner must be bad boy. hahahahahaha!

nice girls REALLY finish last. cos they usually get taken advantage of. so poor thing. but seriously, they are sometimes too nice man.

on a side note, i really hate group works. i just realised. how many times have your group come to a consensus, when its not exactly a 'consensus'? its more like, an agreement for going ahead with whatever. its impossible to get a consensus one lo. the groupthink thing i learnt in COM201 is so true. group works encourages conformity. and i dun like to conform. and i hate it when i disagree with something and i have to try to put my point across. or when somebody does something wrong and i have to think of a way to shoot it down in the most diplomatic way. grr group works..

ok next topic. BHG came to ntu to have sales (like expo sales) and there were some brands, including lingerie. when i was talking to sarah abt it she told me the lingerie were very cheap. then i was like laughing and making a comment on how embarrassing it is to buy lingerie in fairs in school.

but i changed my mind after going there.

hahaha. its really cheeeeeeeeeap and i bought some! hahahaha.

2009-03-22T01:16:00.002+08:00

i feel compelled to write on this day. having lived 20 years of my life, i come to realise some truths about birthdays.

that number one, birthdays are nothing much of a big deal. its the day where you made your exit from your mama's womb, causing her great pain and distress (what a day to remember. i'll cry thinking of my own childbirth in the future. haha.). come to think of it, it isnt much to remember isnt it? i mean, you werent even conscious of who you were, let alone what was happening so technically, there is nothing for you to 'remember'. and its not like you are someone worth commemorating out of the how many trillions of people living on this planet.

secondly, it means that you are a year older. yes its true u are probably wiser, more mature etc etc. but, yea, physically, ur skins sags more, you get more wrinkles, your body works les efficiently etc etc.

but why do people enjoy their birthdays? well, i figured that people enjoy celebrating their birthdays because it makes them feel like they matter. because on this very day, where though it was nothing much of a day, they remembered your existence. they remembered this insignificant day because of who you are. and that, is what makes a birthday special.

sadly, that also translates to the fact that a birthday is not a birthday unless someone remembers.

well im glad people do remember mine. and i shall end this by thanking all well wishers :) my birthday is a birthday because i mattered :)

2009-03-18T12:15:00.008+08:00

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted"

“A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say .

“A wrestling match.” He laughs. “Yes, you could describe life that way.”

So which side wins, I ask?

“Which side wins?” He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth. “Love wins. Love always wins.”

***

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

***

“once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.”

***

“the culture doesn't encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks–we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?”

***
“But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.'”

"I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don't say anything because we're frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship. Morrie's approach was exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, “All right, it's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is.”"

***

(something i needde right NOW, as im approaching my 20th birthday)

Weren't you ever afraid to grow old, I asked?

“Mitch, I embrace aging.” Embrace it?

“It's very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you'd always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's also the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it .”

Yes, I said, but if aging were so valuable, why do people always say, “Oh, if I were young again.” You never hear people say, “I wish I were sixty-five.”

He smiled. “You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven't found meaning. Because if you've found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can't wait until sixty-five. “Listen. You should know something. All younger people should know something. If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow.

(oh man, how wise and profound!)

***

(oh man.. this is like the loveus BS!!! Substitutes for love! How true!)

“We've got a form of brainwashing going on in our country,” Morrie sighed. “Do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over. And that's what we do in this country. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good. More is good. More is good. We repeat it–and have it repeated to us–over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what's really important anymore. Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it. 'Guess what I got? Guess what I got?' “You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.

Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I'm sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you're looking for, no matter how much of them you have.”

***

(something that our sms society needs)

“I believe in being fully present,” Morrie said. “That means you should be with the person you're with. When I'm talking to you now, Mitch, I try to keep focused only on what is going on between us. I am not thinking about something we said last week. I am not thinking of what's coming up this Friday. I am not thinking about doing another Koppel show, or about what medications I'm taking. “I am talking to you. I am thinking about you.”

***

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

I read this through today. And i had to periodically look up to the lecture slides to keep myself away from the story so as to not allow myself to cry or weep in the lecture theatre. Tuesdays With Morrie: A lesson of life from a dying man.

2009-03-16T23:20:00.003+08:00

facebook becomes detrimental when you start spending more time taking quizzes and playing spot the difference than doing you speech presentation.

i think i took 23849023843 quizzes on facebook today. then there was this one quiz that titled "why are u spending so much time of facebook". My results: You are lonely. I literally LOL-ed. wellll, maybe i am. then there was this devastating quiz titled "who will you fall in love with". My result: NO ONE. THANKS ah...

im mean, but nice girls always finish last. muaha.

2009-03-11T10:46:00.002+08:00

there's so much i WANT to do.

there's so much i HAVE to do.

but there's so much i CAN do.

The A level results release triggered a string of emails regarding the opening of scholarships sent to me. Got me exploring the remaining options of scholarship i am left with. Im so jaded by these applications. as if it weren't enough last year. i remember myself running scripts through the photocopier machine in Damai trying to meet all the scholarship application deadlines. And yet, i end up with none on my hand. Then again, i had a choice, then again, I made one.

PLUS. i lost my thumbdrive. which means, my previously written essays about my personal statement etc are GONEEEEEE.... rahhhh.

then there is this field in the forms that says achievements, awards etc. BLA i hate it cos i have none. to top that off. i have n substantial proof or evidence or proof of skills for the things im interested in. being really indignant about that, i searched through the course content of all available course in NTU to see what i can do about it. Subconsciously I scrolled through the ADM modules and the psychology modules (seriously, i dun know why). So, after reading those, i Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo want to get into sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many modules.

im a sad university undergrad worrying about my future :(

2009-03-08T23:39:00.002+08:00

so, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

and here we are again, its called sunday greys, a prelude to monday blues, which isnt very blue after all. grey skies are sadder than blue ones. sunday nights remain to be really grey to me. can't wait for a change to that!

i bought a friendship band with shubs today. just a sudden urge to wear one. i wonder why that friendship band culture dissolved after we grew up. its actually kinda fun and meaningful. i like the colours from the band and its like when u look at it, u get reminded of a friend. how sweet! last time i used to make friendship bands even! maybe i'll make them for my friends on my birthday!

IM GETTING A NEW WALLET!!! WAHAHAHA!!! ITS GORGEOUS!!!! WOOHOO!!!

2009-03-05T16:27:00.003+08:00

I'm beginning to love silly facebook notes like this, only i don't do them on facebook. haha.

Step 1 - Go here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

Step 2 - Go here
http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last 4 or 5 words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

Step 3 - Go here
http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days

Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Step 4 - Use Photoshop or the graphics program of your choice to put the elements together to form your cover.

2009-03-02T22:18:00.003+08:00

it was the usual monday morning. quiet and peaceful. made my way grudgingly to school. as i sat in com208 lecture, i was hastily preparing my speech presentation for com205 later. the class started and edwin wasnt here. not a wonder i thought, he probably overslept again. after the class ended, i hurried to do some finishing preparations for my speech at the cs benches. then edwim appeared in front of me and i knew what he was going to say. haha. guessed it right, he overslept. he asked me if we had time to eat still, i glanced at my laptop and said yes. so we went off, fulfilling the monday routine, albeit late. as we walked out of cs, he was practising his speech but honestly none went into my head. i just pretended to listen and nodded. just then, we noticed the police car and the paramedics, which drove before our eyes. curious, edwin stopped his string of words and looked towards the eee block, me too. wonder what was that man. after some speculation, we concluded that the chemical plant had a leak or maybe even a slight explosion and that caused some injury. surely that doesnt call for the police right?? oh well. we rushed through our meals as we catch the last glimpse of our scripts. suddenly, a group of girls cried out, omg you know what happened? someone just committed suicide!

omg.

within half an hour, the news was diffused throughout the school. at the end of com205, valerie said the news was up on the net. apparently, that guy stabbed a prof and killed himself.

goodness gracious.

IF, IF, if edwin did not oversleep, and came to 208 class, we would have carried out our usualy monday routine, and leave cs at approximately 1010 for can B for brunch, come back with brunch at approximately 1030.

1030. the time the guy jumped.

i read the eye witness report on cna and thank God so much that i wasnt the one. goodness. could be a traumatic experience.

thank God edwin overslept.

2009-03-01T00:08:00.001+08:00

#1 love song.

You laid aside Your majesty
Gave up everything for me
Suffered at the hands
Of those you have created

You took all my guilt and shame
When you died and rose again
Now today You reign
In heaven and earth exalted

I really want to worship you my Lord
You have won my heart and I am Yours
Forever and ever, I will love You

You are the only one who died for me
Gave your life to set me free
So I life my voice to You in adoration.

2009-02-27T00:42:00.000+08:00

11. tagger bag flap. I need a NEW one man.

2009-02-26T13:26:00.006+08:00

ban's birthday is coming in 24 days. these are the things you can buy for her. muahaha.

~~1. nice red wallet (short one, not the long one)~~
2. i still can do with one more watch :)
3. fanciful nike dunks (they cost less than 100 at sportslink leisurepark!)
4. ladies slip ons. VANs, lacoste, onitsuka tiger, diesel, puma have great ones. ask me.
5. adidas bagpack, or yakpak kind of bagpack.
6. hard disk drive (the bigger the better)
~~7. ikea bedlinen set.~~
8. hair salon vouchers.
9. long shorts for student camp. like the reebok ones or fbt.
10. nice notebook/organiser

if you're officially broke, or cant afford the above mentioned, well wishes, hugs and cards are most welcomed too :))

ok. we're good!

2009-02-25T02:56:00.000+08:00

some memories regurgitate hurt everytime you think of it.

2009-02-24T01:42:00.002+08:00

sometimes i think life could do with less choices.

2009-02-20T21:01:00.002+08:00

what is it like to know that you are going to die the next instant in order to save someone's life? or to know that your spouse has 4-6 months to leave, or to know that you have to do a high risk operation, because you will die if you dont.

Grey's anatomy.

whats wrong with me man. im supposed to be ecstatic over black extreme's victory yesterday, but here i am, gulping on endorphin to keep my tears to myself. and not like it helps. i feel like dr yang in the show, like some stressed up woman who has been keeping her emotions suppressed and then suddenly, one day, everything just comes out.

don't be mistaken. im not emo or anything. i think its just pms. im a bit like.. zombiefied now. haha.

well, on the really happier side, the black extremes got 3rd! YAY! :):) all the late nights and body clock mess thing was all worth it! really couldnt believe it when they announced our hall. hahaha. should have seen the stunned look. it was a momentary pause. like seriously. haha. man i will miss those times dancing w them. thought it was reallllllly tiring.

ok shit i have to prepare for cell tml GOT TO GO!

2009-02-18T19:12:00.002+08:00

5 months of preparation will come to an end tomorrow. days that start at 830 am and end at 330 am will cease soon. i struggled much all this while, yet i received as much too.

i wonder what life will be like after tomorrow.

i realised i seem to do better under pressure. with all the deadlines, the short time i have, i have to do the same amount of work as my peers with half the amount of time. I have to juggle twice the amount of commitments as my peers. but who cares, i did it. and im really thankful for that. for God to see me through this period, giving me the strength i need. its really amazing. In the past, i just had to sleep at 2am for few days and i would find myself falling sick very soon. this month ive been sleeping at 330am almost everyday and my body is still healthy (albeit tired) what can this be other than God's grace?

its recess week next week :) God-sent week. finally a real and good break.

cant wait to get my nights back after the competition. we'll be seeing a lot of meet ups!! :):)

Thank you Jesus for loving me :)